Archive for category Money and Marketing

Reality Has Jumped The Shark: Sinus Relief System

This is a continuing post in a series titled, “Reality Has Jumped The Shark.” For those of you who aren’t familiar with the phrase, here’s the Wikipedia entry.

Jumping the shark is an idiom used to describe the moment of downturn for a previously successful enterprise. The phrase was originally used to denote the point in a television program‘s history where the plot spins off into absurd story lines or unlikely characterizations. The expression was popularized in 1985 by Jonathan M. Hein, who would later create the web site jumptheshark.com (which now redirects to TVGuide.com). Hein explained the concept as follows: “It’s a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television program has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on…it’s all downhill.

This post, I present to you the sinus relief system.

The ad reports that the system “uses the same principles as jala neti … i nwhich a neti pot is used to pour a saline solution through nasal passages.”

So, let me get this straight. Instead of buying a neti pot for about $10-15, and pouring saline solution through my sinuses, I should spend $100 to have an electric doodad do it for me.

In some examples of reality jumping the shark, the object of ridicule actually provides a functional difference, for example, in minutely reduced labor at great expense. In this case, all you’re doing is eliminating the act of tipping the neti pot to drain the saline solution into your nostril. Instead, you’ll have a pump shoot it up there. For $100. $100 to have another thing sitting on your bathroom counter. $100 to have another gadget that’s going to break in a year and end up in a landfill.

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American Way Road Warrior Contest Ad

The ad reads:

A view from the top.

When you’re striving to reach a goal, it’s always above you. You’re climbing upward and reaching higher. You’re overcoming adversity and winning the race. And when you finally make it to the top, you feel the success—and it feels great.

The analogy of climbing upward for achieving goals strikes me as exactly backward. When I think about my goals, they all involve looking down. In some cases, literally. I’m digging and weeding in the garden. I’m mucking out pig manure and tossing it on the compost. All of these things ground me. They give me a sense of connection with the processes that sustain me.

And what’s the deal with “goals” anyway? I’m not sure I have goals. I have… things I’m doing. I have things I want. It doesn’t feel like I have “goals”. Mostly, I have things that are in front of me, and I do them. When I got my black belt in jiu jitsu, it didn’t feel like I was climbing a mountain with the “goal” of the black belt on top. I just went to class every day because I liked doing it. Somewhere out there was the idea that some day if I kept doing it, I would get a black belt, but mostly, I just focused on what was in front of me. I think that focusing on “goals” would keep me too focused on the future, to the detriment of my experience of the present.

Additionally, what I want in the future is likely to be different than what I think I will want, but setting a “goal” locks in my conception of the future. If I turn out to want something different, I have to give up on my “goal”. I have to be failure just to change my mind.

Look at that guy in the ad. Yay, he climbed the mountain! What is he going to eat now that he’s up there? Who is he going to talk to? Oh, and let’s not even get started on how only one person can be at the peak of the mountain, and everyone else has to be underneath.

All you over-achievers are welcome to enjoy your mountain. I’m going to go get dirty.

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Give Peace A Chance

Watch this video.

Fuck this tea.

This tea is pissing on John Lennon’s grave, and the memory of every hippie who stood up to oppose war in the name of capitalism and imperialism. For the record, I have looked for examples that this tea is using the word peace as more than just an advertising slogan. I have looked for works of altruism and activism that they have performed. Nothing. Just perverted quotes about peace from leaders like John Lennon and Martin Luther King. If I believed in sacrilege, this tea would be it.

Peace tea company is whoring out the corpse of the hippie movement, and when you buy and consume peace tea, you are the John.

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Selling My Townhome

I’ve written before about the cultural Myth of Progress and the “expansionist drive” that supports it. Another way of expressing these ideas is to simply say that, in our culture, enough is never enough.

That idea has been coming to mind as I move forward on the process of selling my townhome in Georgia. I bought the home in 2004, which, if you’ve been paying attention to historical housing prices, just made you cringe. That was, literally, just before the bubble burst. Since the bubble hadn’t popped yet, you could still get an 80/20 mortgage with zero down payment and no PMI, which is exactly how I was able to move from a 2-bedroom rental apartment into an 1800-square-foot townhome, basically at the drop of a hat. One day, I woke up and decided it was time to own instead of rent, and a few months later, I had moved into my new home. Okay, it wasn’t exactly that simple, but closer than you might think.

I paid a total of $167,000 for the home. Within the next few years, I would hear on the news about housing prices tanking, but I didn’t think much about it, because I had no immediate plans to sell. My time horizon for moving was 5-10 years out, and I figured I’d deal with the situation when the time came.

Of course, the housing market didn’t improve. In June of 2009, I moved into a group-living situation with some friends and decided to rent the townhome out. By July of 2010, I had bought a home in Knoxville and relocated entirely. The housing market was a little better in 2010 than they had been in 2009 (at least in part due to the tax credit, which I didn’t know at the time), so I decided not to rent again, but to sell.

Lots of financial advisers would tell me that this is the absolute worst time to sell. The housing market in general is still depressed compared to 2004. There are three to five units for sale on my street, and there have been for the last three years. There have been two sales on my street in that time period, in the range of $140k to $150k. At least one of the units for sale is a foreclosure. Many units are empty, their owners apparently still continuing to pay, since no foreclosure signs have shown up, but it doesn’t bode well for the neighborhood. The conventional advice for this situation is to ride it out and wait for the housing market to rebound.

Rebound to what? Rebound to the point where the home can be sold for at least as much as you paid for it, of course. And that’s where we come to the Myth of Progress. Everything is seen through the lens of profit and loss, except the scale is distorted. Lack of profit counts as a loss and profit is barely seen as breaking even.

Consider this: thanks to a generous contract on a book that I wrote, I was able to dump a bunch of money into the mortgage on the townhome. I put the money into the mortgage, instead of some other investment, at least partly in preparation for this very situation. The principle on the loan is currently about $120k, so theoretically, I could sell the house for as little as $120k, plus my agent’s commission, and walk away clean.

Most people would be horrified at that prospect. If I bought at $167k, sold at $120k, they would count that as a $47,000 loss. The only factor that would come to their mind would be the starting number and the ending number, and the Myth of Progress says that the ending number must be higher than the starting number or you have failed. But here’s how I think of it: if I had continued renting my apartment, I would have paid about $1,000 a month for five years. That’s $60,000 to live in a 2-bedroom apartment. Instead, I paid $47,000, or $783 a month ($885 if you add in the HOA dues) to live in a beautiful townhome, about twice the size of the apartment, that I loved dearly. And that’s not even counting the approximately $5k to $10k in interest that I was able to write off on my taxes! Sounds like a bargain to me.

Of course, the speculators will say that if I hold onto the townhome, the market will eventually recover, and I will be able to sell it for more. By my own logic, selling for $150k might count as a profit, even if it’s numerically a loss. That’s true, but making a profit isn’t my primary goal. I’m not interested in wringing the maximum amount out of every single transaction. I just want to have “enough,” and I think that’s where the Myth of Progress most leads us astray. It makes us view every transaction through the lens of maximalization. The question is always whether you have gotten everything you possibly could, not whether you got “enough” to satisfy yourself.

For me, “breaking even” and walking away from the townhome clean would be “enough,” and any cash I get out on top of that would be “profit.”

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Reality Has Jumped The Shark: Cordless Power Grill Brush

I’ve decided to start a type of post called, “Reality Has Jumped The Shark.” For those of you who aren’t familiar with the phrase, here’s the Wikipedia entry.

Jumping the shark is an idiom used to describe the moment of downturn for a previously successful enterprise. The phrase was originally used to denote the point in a television program‘s history where the plot spins off into absurd story lines or unlikely characterizations. The expression was popularized in 1985 by Jonathan M. Hein, who would later create the web site jumptheshark.com (which now redirects to TVGuide.com). Hein explained the concept as follows: “It’s a moment. A defining moment when you know that your favorite television program has reached its peak. That instant that you know from now on…it’s all downhill.

This post, I present to you the cordless power grill brush.

I literally stood and stared in bemusement at this product for three minutes or so. Let’s just be clear here. Originally, humans cooked meat by barbecuing it in a large pit over coals. This involved: 1) catching a big animal and killing it; 2) digging a big hole with primitive hand tools; 3) chopping enough wood to line the hole; 4) making fire by hand. You can understand that was a lot of trouble to go to, so various improvements made the whole process more convenient. The invention of the barbecue grill. The invention of charcoal briquettes. But even briquettes were too much hassle, so propane was substituted. Meanwhile, on the whole, “procuring meat” front, industrial food production makes it possible to walk into the store and buy a big hunk of beast with no more trouble or inconvenience than wiping your ass.

And somewhere, someone at the end of this process looks at his or her dirty grill and thinks, “FUCK! MOVING MY ARM BACK AND FORTH WITH A BRUSH IN MY HAND? THAT’S FOR CHUMPS!!!

Reality has jumped the shark.

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