I was recently reminded of this document, that I wrote years ago. I still agree with most of what’s in it, and thought I’d share it with you.
Summary: The document, “A Bouquet of Lovers,” by Morning Glory Zell, defines and describes the structure of many polyamorous relationships today. Bouquet is, in some circles, the de facto standard structure for people who are first venturing into polyamory. It is so pervasive that, in other circles, although the document itself may be unknown, the structures of polyamorous relationships nevertheless follow its guidelines. Given its widespread influence, it behooves us to carefully analyze the concepts put forth by Bouquet.
Bouquet states that, “The goal of a responsible Open Relationship is to cultivate ongoing, long-term, complex relationships which are rooted in deep mutual friendships.” By using the terms, “ongoing,” “long-term,” and “complex,” Bouquet captures the ideal of polyamory: that we can have simultaneous, nontrivial relationships, with or among multiple partners. But the primary/secondary structure described by Bouquet can be interpreted in ways that actively prevent the realization of that ideal. Even normally reasonable and compassionate polyamorists might take a harmful and extreme interpretation of Bouquet if they feel that their relationship is threatened. It is important to be aware of the possibility for that interpretation, so as to avoid it.
