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“Pretty” – Katie Makkai


I don’t usually consider myself a fan of poetry slams, but this is a hell of a performance. Keep it in mind the next time you’re standing at the check-out line looking at magazines.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010 and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

  1. #1 by Sarah at June 3rd, 2010

    Wow, that was amazing!

    Also, doesn’t “pretty” have six letters? Could’ve sworn she said five there near the end.

  2. #2 by Randall at June 4th, 2010

    All that crap only has power over you because you buy into it.

  3. #3 by Joshua Bardwell at June 4th, 2010

    I think it’s more complicated than that. In the case of Katie Makkai, it had power over her because she was a child at the time that it was imposed upon her. If that’s the foundation that we are given as children, it’s understandably difficult to opt out as adults.

    That being said, I basically agree.

  4. #4 by Willsey at October 23rd, 2010

    @Sarah: P,R,E,T, and Y= 5 letters, the T is used twice

  5. #5 by Amanda at October 24th, 2010

    And you, Randall, don’t buy into it all, I suppose?

  6. #6 by Clare at October 25th, 2010

    Thanks Sara and Willsey. I wouldn’t have noticed nor could I have figured out the five letters without you two.

  7. #7 by Kate's mom (!) at November 29th, 2010

    Our recollections are a wee bit different actually. Yes, her nose had been broken by an errant Frisbie when Kate was 3. The only facial work Miss Kate had was to repair a deviated septum because she had continuous infections and couldn’t breathe out of her nose, poor thing. The cost of her newly functioning nose was $2500, not $10K, oh my. As to the teeth and ointments et al, they were addressed as per her own request. But, give the woman credit; she can lay down stunning poetry, yes?!

  8. #8 by Joshua Bardwell at November 30th, 2010

    Ms. Makkai,

    To those who hear her poem, the facts of Katie’s childhood don’t matter. What matters is that the experience she describes resonates with them. Challenging the facts that underly the poem is missing the forest for the trees. The emotion being expressed is what’s true.

    It doesn’t surprise me to hear that a parent and a child recall childhood events differently. Each of the blind men feels a different part of the elephant, as the fable goes. It doesn’t change the emotional impact that those events have on the adult that the child ultimately becomes. As a parent, you can choose to take responsibility for that outcome, or not. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for someone to have a negative emotion towards you that you think is based on incorrect facts. When I have been in that situation, ultimately what I have done is ask myself, “What’s more important here: addressing the emotion and repairing the relationship, or arguing about the facts, potentially at the expense of the relationship.” You seem to be in the mode of arguing about facts.

  9. #9 by Issa at November 30th, 2010

    @Kate’s mom – (assuming you are actually her mom) There are two ways to look at the poem “Pretty”. On the one hand, maybe it’s just poetry that’s meant to stand on its own regardless of its relationship with reality. If that’s the case, then it’s actually pretty tacky of you to argue with the statements within. Let it be poetry, don’t take it personally, and move on.

    On the other hand, if this poem is a relatively accurate account of her memory of her childhood, then this is her pain that you’re looking at. This is something that *matters* to her. This is a statement worth listening to. Actually listening. Not quibbling over exactly how much blame you’re willing to take.

    So you think something was her idea and not yours. Big deal. She was your child, and the things you said through the years had an effect on what what became “her ideas”. Who knows what kind of messages she was receiving, regardless of what messages you think you were sending.

    And the $10K vs $2.5K thing? It sounds to me in the poem like the $10K refers not just to the surgery, but to the ointments, medications, peroxides, orthodontic work, AND the surgery. So again, this just sounds petty.

    But you know what? In the poem, Katie makes it pretty clear that this whole topic isn’t about you. You could take that to heart and leave aside your defensiveness. If you want to talk to your daughter about this, then do it – talk about the ridiculous pressure to conform that so many people feel in this culture and the ways that it’s affected you both. Talk about the ways women are supposed to be on display all the time. Talk about how you have trouble being true to yourselves. Whatever.

    But, as I said, if this poem reflects her experience, then it’s about the pain she feels, and it’s just insensitive of you to respond to her pain by arguing whether the surgery was for her own good or exactly how much it cost or to blame the ointments on her and then to top it off with a backhanded compliment.

    It isn’t about you. So don’t make it about you.

  10. #10 by Kate's mom (!) at November 30th, 2010

    Joshua and Issa,

    Thanks for your insightful responses. I agree with you that Kate’s perceptions are what really matter in her poem, “Pretty.” It has opened up valuable conversations about a troubling subject.

    And, over the years, I have done what I can to validate her and encourage her remarkable intellect and skills. There is nothing I can do to change her recollections. That will only happen as she moves on and has greater distance from which to review them, and that will happen because I know the true source of her pain. As a fairly typical mom, I’ve managed my screw-ups. But keep in mind, there is also such a thing as misplaced anger, so I do not fret about our relationship. And I’m not in the mode of arguing about facts. I choose to cheer on my Miss Kate in all of her adventures. I enjoy my daughter. But when I come across “Pretty,” I usually sigh and ignore it. But from time to time, I’ll toss in my take as I did yesterday.

    Kate is a wonderful young woman and I’m immensely proud of her as she thunders through life. She has a positive impact on most of those who are fortunate enough to come in contact with her.

    Again, thank you for taking the time to write,

    Warmest regards,
    Kate’s mom

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